Tips on Communicating with Your Child
Expressive language: communicating through writing, speaking, and/or gestures
Receptive language: language communicated by others and received by an individual
Auditory: hearing (music, quiet during phone calls or adult conversation, sound effects)
Visual: seeing (“let me see it”, mindless television, observing others play)
Kinesthetic: tactile, manipulation (“let me do it”, destructive, physical activity)
Ex: learning to tie shoes
What is your primary learning style as a parent?
Do you know how your children learn?
Is it really communication if the other person doesn’t receive it? NO. It’s just talking.
How and when to communicate most effectively with your child:
Take time on purpose (talking about the day, open ended question: what do you know about…)
Sit down or bend down so that you are on the same level
Take note of the way your children perceive you (i.e. Do they think you simply bark orders?)
Listen to them
USE THE PENCIL RULE
Using the word “NO” more effectively means using it less
Think of NO as a discipline word not one of communication
When communicating give options instead of saying NO
Ex: Your 4 yo comes into the kitchen at 10am and asks for a cookie.
1 Response: You may have an apple or a banana.
2 Response: (With choices visible) repeat: You may have an apple or a banana.
3 Response: You may choose one of these or you may wait until lunch to eat.
Ex: Your pre-teen comes into the kitchen at 10am to get a piece of chocolate cake.
1 Response: There are plenty of healthier snacks in the kitchen. Choose one and show me.
2 Response: There’s fruit, yogurt, crackers, etc. Choose a healthier snack and show me.
3 Response: You may choose a healthier snack or you may wait until lunch to eat.
Ex: Your teenager (with a driver’s license) asks to use your car to drive to a friend’s house.
1 Response: You may drive me to the store, help with groceries and drive me to your friend.
2 Response: I need to be sure that you are a safe driver. (Repeat response #1)
3 Response: Either (repeat response #1) or you do not get to drive today.
Using this pattern helps build the relationship between you and your child, improve communication skills, coping skills, decision making and problem solving skills. They also begin to learn how to make better choices on their own.
